the dwelling feeling of repulsion wells up.
how much of a lier can i be before i lose my self to the lie
i cry
and i wonder.
how strong can i be to fight away the feelings of shatter.
how must i mend my self when the cracks are external, internal and bleeding.
i am,
i am as always the shadow of my own mind.
the crawling self hate of a child.
i am the darkness that haunts me,
i am the things i can not let go of.
i am my own misery.
i am my own isolation.
this punishment is one i inflict on my self
and with no freedom
and with no light
i fall blind in the darkness of my self
i fall forever in the endless night
i wake and sleep no more
i live here in this limbo of worlds.
How can i want for this darkness.
how can I want for this dismemberment?
from with in me it calls out
see me as beautiful, as worthy, as strong I beg you.
see me as joyful, as young, as cherished I beg you.
let me find solace then in this night
let me find rest then in my restlessness
let me find joy in my tears
that they can grow into something beautiful
that one day the sun will come again to shine on me
that one day i will not be in shadow.
that the lie of my self becomes the truth,
that the truth of my sin becomes a lie.
that all will set right
let then,
let the pain ease out of me.
that i can be free of all mortal bonds and exist
