today is my birthday

:)

thats awesome right?

remember me....

this time of year i feel so more full of thought than normal, i feel more soft and more vulnerable. its scary. i was on ok cupid "improving my matches" i really like answering the questions, and one got me thinking. it was "if you could take back your virginity from your first partner would you?"i clicked the check box for no, with out a thought.
i remeber those eyes, and that skin, just like mine.
the touch, soft and shaking... the nervous entry... the blood and the blade. think that scars still on him, a battle wound? and in the moment then, i wasn't scared of anything but him not finding happiness.
and i remember her, silk goddess of the sky. i remeber her age and her sureness and her ability to make me turn liquid in her touch... a perfected art. she was the painter i was the canvas and my sensation was the masterpiece... i had never felt, i have never felt that way again.
my joyful bliss in her.... perfect bliss in every moment we layed together, but we were not meant to last forever, only as long as the passion flowed... i would never undo those moments though, she was one of the greatest gifts of my life.
and sam, sweet pure sam. the one i never got to be with, the one i wanted to love more than another and the one i tried to hide that love from in other peoples beds... if i could take anything back i would have never left, but i would never take back the moments we were together...
anyways i need to go take a shower.

spirit of the green isle.

it was there
as i creaked open the door
and its here now... tonight.
i remember the stained grout in the tile...
to this day i bet its still not white.
i remeber you, my love
stretched out on the ground...
oceans of pain below you
dead man floating in his own sea.
and that image...
will forever haunt me.
i was there
as you went limp forever
and I'm there in my heart right now.
i remeber the smell on the air
to this day i bet the sweet poison still lingers.
i remeber you, my brother
reaching out after it was to late...
and in your last moments
i saw the regret in your eyes.
and that image...
will forever haunt me.
i was there
as they rushed in and came over you
and i'm there again in my fear
i remeber the looks that they gave you
i bet those looks in them have met more still...
i remeber you, my friend....
dieing by your own hand
you had asked me to come over just hours earlier....
and I'll for ever wish i had.

alone. +

here i am
left to my own devices
dropped off at the bottom of my castle
forced to climb the tower alone.
each step hurts
each step brings tears to my eyes
each step makes me feel,
alone...
alone in a world of people.
can you not hear the crying of my heart?
the pleading of my soul?
stay with me tonight,
don't let me be alone.
oh god, not tonight.
every day has been nightmares
every night has been calling to remeber
just 2 days ago,
some years past he died...
and in 4 more days another will pass.
please, please hold me.
keep me and love me and tell me my memories were not meant to bring me pain
remind me,
death is no end
and that the moments we were happy together
are the things i should remeber
i should not dwell on the selfish feeling of loss.
i should not cry
because none of them are really gone
they will always be in me.
please,
come home.
hear me crying from far away and come home.
come home to me and hold me
and protect me from my self...
do not leave me in these empty walls
do not leave me in this way...
you didn't even say good by as you pealed out and off... you didn't say good by.
it hurts,
hurts more right now than ever
to be among the living.

to the memory

come child of snow,
rest your melting heart upon my arms
come child of pain,
breath no more in this springs rain.
come and fade forever to shadow,
the line before you is calling,
calling you home.
i hear them sing,
beautiful child of snow.
my 11th star

beautiful skeleton,
made of spook,
made of grass and twine and bone,
beautiful paper skin,
to worn its time to go home.
beautiful breakfast,
fit for a king
spoon fed needles
bring the spring....
fall back into me,
my truest love
never come back the whole 21 stars above,
on this the day, my14 stars.

fight and scream my beautiful hands
punch and kick fight the whole land
with the fire of the Irish
and the rage of my own blood
kill and stab and rape the sky's above
rain down blood on sugar coated dreams
rain down fear on all who
wished fear in me.
being the spring sunset stained crimson for ever
on this the 20th star

your touch like silk,
god and man
your eyes like crystals to being light to land
your hands the child's things of dreams
to build and create
and teach me all these things
my master, my teacher, my better than me
fallen in battle of the red china tree
i will live forever because of what you gave for me...
you destroyed your world
the 19 star of me.

let the toll be paid
2 coins for the ride
let you meet the snow child in the sky's.
your fallen brother only days before.
you are the 25 star fallen to the war.
let the gods sit beside you,
let the mead always flow
let you find happiness in my woe...
i hope now you sit, where you always dreamed you would...
in a place Where the Brave may live Forever.

..........to the memory
..........of ones i love.

gchat poem reworked titles now "i am your forgotten Cambion"

(click the title of this poem for the original)

come to me
now, in this moment...
dream.
come, kiss sweet my lips
stay till the marrow.
come, dream
remember me to the dreams of yore...
fabrics made by the sandman,
cloth that once covered my life.
come dream,
hold me
whisper sweet nothings of lies
and tell me every dream is my own and that everyone i can dream i can have.
tell me,
this is what i have always wanted...
even if its a perversion of my youth.
and blow the sandman...
blow the sands of time and in his song,
let me wrinkle,
let me age.
let this mans hands creep up my thighs
let this mans fingers stumble over me
let him find pleasures hidden in my skin,
let him steal them from hands who love.
please...
dream.
please... sand... sand man.
how long the night is now.
how long since you have rocked into me...
how long have you forgotten to come to me at night...
i miss my so hated incubus.
cubo,
cubo, with out you my lover.
come to me my dream...
your forgetfulness destroys my day
i think i smell you...
i think i feel your cold touch as the wind blows upon my legs and into me.
i think i remeber your eyes... beautiful eyes.
but now...
i am left alone... your forgot me...
the forgotten Cambion

to hilary

i hope you sleep well princes.

i hope the night is sweet

i hope you wake with joy rising to the street

i hope a smile is brought to you,
and it comes shining true

because knowing your alive makes life worth living,
and keeps away the blue.

i hope the nights shadows,

and any rain from the last day

is swept into the past and that only beauty marks the way

i hope your heart is light,

and that laughter is always true

i hope a smile is brought to your face,

so you may smile like i do when i think of you

i hope you never need to cry

i hope you never ever fall

i hope your wings are never broken, so u may fly above it all

i hope your wishes are reality

and every last dream comes true

i hope every demon in your night mare never being harm to you

i hope you smile lovely,

and i hope you know its true,
how often and how deeply i think and smile because of you.

Oma

i remember, my youth and how we played hide and seek.
where did you go, i will always wonder.
i remember my childhood and crinkling foil camp fires.
i remember, even when you don't your smile,
fake tooth smile.
i remeber the peterfied wood i have carried with em all my life
to all ends of the earth,
because there was always a part of you with me.
i remember, your pockets
forcefully full of butterscotches
and your clothing the rejects from a clown suit...
but mostly i remember loving you
and being loved by you.
mostly i remember laughing
mostly i remember being as happy as i ever was.
i remember you being a second mother,
i remember you now and always my
mig bedste.

gchat copy and paste! (not spell cheking, maybe i'll do it latter)

friend:

really really awesome.

Laura:

shit falls outa my head when i have a reason to write.

^ that was totaly poetic frasing

Sent at 3:33 AM on Tuesday

Laura:

come to me now, in this moment dream. come to kiss me to the marro, come to remind me of the places i once went. come dream, coem sand man take me to a far away land and grant me my wishes, grant me my desires. desires like i have never felt in youth... let me age let me be old let me linger on the sound of his voice... let it carry me as hands move slowely, creeping beging pleasure that has no home.... let me go there to that place, please... how long the nigth is when you have forgoten me dream, how long the day is when you hint past me in and out of nod in and out of reality thinking on touches, on kisses, on sweat and moans i have only known in slumber.... some to me now... let me have my freedom.

^ writen into this box..

^word poo

drei +

Stand before me,
Be a beautiful God amongst men.
Stand before me and be more than any of them.
speak words and shatter my heart
and i will kneel before you and worship.
i will come to temple,
because you are quiet
because you are proper,
because you are the one who stands behind in strength.
because your words are like silk,
and because you speak them smoothly.
stand before me,
command the world to stop
and i will create a device to make it so.
stand before me,
ask me to lead the dance or fall in line
and i will obey without question
come before me and be the place i sleep upon.
be the earth below me in that moment
i know i will shake,
i know i will be shy
i know i will cover that shyness,
that humbleness with cool streaming words and smiles
and stand behind me knowing in that moment my weakness
read between my lines,
i make them obvious.
what do you seek....
what sacrifice do you wish upon your alter
and in that place,
i will love you best.
i will love you more
i will,
because you are not a spoon.