closed eyes

to shake my body of this image that I might rest
to close my eyes with out the death winding up inside me
to not be shaken in my greed and lust to end all moments.
this, is a world I have forgotten
a world I wish would forget me.
It would have been the pin knife if not the intoxicants.
I couldn't breath.
And I shook, and i span and i... wanted that old kiss
that breakfast in a soon kiss.
that it all melts away kiss.
that final kiss of the stars.
that rest. so still after the spasms.

And when I look to the sun,
I feel an overwhelming regret
regret that i was born made this way to sin.
regret that i cant speak as freely to the sun
regret that i cant change the world to make it simple.

what I would give to rest now,
to crawl inside my self so deep i cant be found.
and what I would give for you to shatter this lie.

looking at me with closed eyes
was all i could ever ask of you.

come to me like a riddle built from sand.
slip and slide through my mind.
the if only and the if I were.
I feel the dreamed presure were it  real
drunk on this so sure sin.
this beautiful rapturous sin.
tangled in my hair as words pull me back into them.
it would be me to flaw things this way,
to darken and cloud my life in these worthless moments.
and your eyes shift on me from desire to pain
the curved blade in my belly.
the sprial of self doubt and shame.
please, then don't be cruel.
see this me as I am
know the frail
timid quiet beauty I hide

and I will come away from now, come away from this darkness and see the morning sun. I melt in the warmth of his love.

please... slip through me seemless like sand.

16 words - adam

come creep upon me ninja of my flesh,
pitter put put golf holes to my soul.
I will bow down in tribute to you.
your beautiful dynasty, something to long for.
the blue devil of my angelic prayer.
devil me raptured in your touch.
let lose the element of surprise upon my back
running polo horses across my spine
I will bend and dodge and miss every last moment here.
blinded in the aura of your brute force.
hunted like a safari capture.
punctured with your sabre form.
full force Saturn V into deep space.
you will never be valiant, I wouldn't want you to.
Something more the civic center of my existence.
the raider stolen away from this moment.

time

and i can feel the indulgence
leaking from fingertips into the thought of you.
My Sun, my light who blocks all else
I could see the perfection of this moment and all moments there in.

It could be so perfect in you.
In your arms each night sleeping away the day.
And in the middle days you would know,
that my here and there tastes of tough and pleasure
had nothing to subtract from you.
You would stand happy knowing,
it was only ever you I wanted to come home to.

want.

I want to rapture you in my words
I want them to crawl up into your mind
wrap around it
and melt into you like sex.
I want your body to shake
and tremble as you eyes
gently move across them.
I want to kiss you with thought and intention
more even than action
I want you to look then at this naked form and know.
Know, everything I will ever be.
Know, everything I will never be.

I want you to tell me its okay,
I want you to tell me you understand what I am saying.
I am tired from this game of dodge and jump
I am ravaged in the winds of this whisper
I am scared to see you.

And as much as I run from your closeness
I desire it.
Could I kill all desire from my body
Lay it to bed deep in the earth
never to wake never to plague me
Could I cut off all physical feeling
I could be free to love you as I might,
As I do in quiet shadows of thought.
never before have I dreamed a world with out desire.

I want somehome to know...
That this dream could never exist outside of the grasp of Μορφεύς
Some part of me needs you to pull away from me
some part of me begs it.
all the rest, bleeds to think it true.


I want you to see these words. 
I want you to know them and read me were I a book
I want you to see between the lines and past the fuck
I want you to know about this place,
deep in me I keep hidden.

I want you
to see.

destroy

come now into the dark creases of my mind
see the sin I'm begging fall from my lips
slip into this light with me
that we can see each other as we are,
that we can be the beasts we hold back
those creatures to callus to care.
and then, take me.
wrap your hand behind my back and force me into the wall.
melt your stinging flesh into me
capture my soul in your fingertips
digging so deep they leave forever scars on my textile scene.
I want to smell the rot of you rising up from the
fuck and sway of your hips.
and more than that,
I want you to look deep into my whiten murky eyes and know me.
please.

And after the creation of undeath build
in the sweat and fuck and raw of that moment lay here with me
feel the ground collapse beneath us and the fall
feel my eyes turn and look into your eyes
feel my hand slip into your hand
and fall
fall for ever now into the dark with me.
I love you...

scream

once a time a long ago,
I saw you standing in the snow.
I reached to touch
you were not real
and my heart became like steal.
I wanted more to know your smell
to taste and hold you close and well
but all I find a sleepers dream,
and now I scream...
and now I scream.

Running free into the night
I kicked and clawed
I had a fight
I looked for you
But you are not there
I wanted you
it is not fare.

Once a time a long ago,
I whispered words you'll never know.
I said your eyes
they cut right through
They burn my soul
into something new
I wanted more to hear my name
said from you like were the same.
The king he bows to touch the swine
Don't need to lie,
I am not blind.

This road it goes
in just one way
I can not cross
I can not stay.
If I leave its away from you
I feel my parts will come unglued.

Once a time a long ago,
I let you touch my heart and soul
I regret it more each coming day
as my heart begins to sway.
I'd give my self and my control
Id let you take me where we'd go
But you are not real,
Your just a dream
and now I scream...
and now I scream.