eye for an eye

do you know
you are the first safe place i have had
the place I can shelter in
from my own raging torments.
gone from me to soon to be able to stand

for your lips to have validated this debt.
how could you?
how could you want to take the place of that shadow sin?
how can you say you love me
and then
then,
leave me feeling worthless and expendable.

do you know what you have done?
this debt taken for you.
absorbed by you of all people

dreams that will never come

To the woods with me,
come running and play my love.
Out under the trees rejoice with me.
Let me take up my fill of ecstasy in you.
Let me lay down upon my knees in worship.
Let me look up to find your body,
so built in desire
so constructed of needful flesh
so beautiful in its dark radiance.
Let you be the stars of my skin my love.
Let you shine in my night to keep me warm for the sun.
To the woods with me,
dancing and drunk in the sound of drums and laughter.
Take my hand in yours and next to me
fall deep into slumber.
Fall deeper into my dreams with me.
The taste of you.
The love of you, my love.
So much that we could rejoice in that night.
Our night, the only night we have ever had.
That for one day, I was yours whole...
That you claimed me under the light
That you had me under the moon.
That we played and made merry music.
That... we were free to love.
To the woods with me,
deep into the thicket of brambles and could-bes.
deep into the darker desire I feel. 
deep into the light you shed over me...
my love.
this one night and day, out under the trees.
Lay there with me,
that I can hold the memory forever...
That once you loved me so whole. 

and it cuts right though

I knew him once,
and never.
and so unfairly I jugged him perfect.
I saw in him every strength and beauty that could be found in a man.
I saw in him every thin worth worship,
and to the lie of it I cast out all those things which were broken.
I begged him,
come and lay with me my hooded rogue.
come and steal me away from my self
and i fell into his arms so far
I lost all sense of my self. 
I trusted him so wholely that I forgot to look behind me.
and the knife, it cut right through me.

it tore out my heart that he could not hear me
that his words were as shattered as mine
it cut me cold and deep
that he could not see his reflection in my eyes.
and everything i longed to give him,
every thing i wanted so deeply to show him was to far
to far from me...
he was to distant.

Was I ever in his arms?
that he could whisper to me words that were as true as they had ever been...
some old dorment beauty that you have forgotten...
it comes alive in you for moments and seconds
he purred this into me once, 
and yet
how many times have I screamed out his glory.
How many words have i weaved into monuments to him. 
How many times have I given my mind and my body to his whim,
knowing love.
was I ever?

I knew him once,
and never.
The king of the night he lives in.
The stars that shone so bright they were like one thousand suns...
I knew him the might the mighty, the perfect human man.
That all his flaws made him worth loving.
That all his prefection made it so you had no choice but to love.
That he inspired works of art
that he inspired feats of will.
that he inspired me to try...
I knew him..
and I loved so freely, I loved.
Because, nothing had ever been so worth trying.

and even when for a moment I could glance at his form
I found,
my heart shaking and my eyes lightended
as he was the brightness that warmed the dark.
for ever in my heart.
if only,
I could know him,
if only he knew.
How much I believe in him.

if only in his eyes

if he could see me,
as i am
as i have always been
with his eyes and his hands
if he could hold me
prehaps some drop of the glory of his form would lean into me.
prehaps some small flicker of his light could live under my skin.
prehaps i would be nearly as beautiful as him.
if, he could see me.

it was like
he was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen
when in those perfect times i was around him.
it was like
he is the most vivid man of my dreams
when in those distant moments i was away from him.
it was like he was all i ever wanted him to be
because, he was so perfect.
he was so perfectly flawed.
he was so beautiful.
and it hurt,
it cut colder than any knife
and hoter than any blow
to think, he him self
was blind.


i see him,
as he is
as he has always been,
with my eyes and my hands
i hold him.
and with every waking moment i know the perfect glory of his form, and i beg for it.
and with every waking moment i know the blinding light of his soul and i cling to it.
and he, is in my heart the defenition of beauty.
i see him, in it this way forever. 

the melt

its been so long that i have been crippled of you my lover.
to long past now have you come to play games with me
were i sad that i thought you did not love me now.
the melt of all things cradeled in yout hand
the clitter clack the ink and quill
the expression of words i would not even know to think.
Is this his fear,
that in building me i would lose my self?
I have never feared you so gone.
I have always waited and you return.
my love,
my deepest love
my longest kiss, you consume me.
you slide out of me
and from me flows a river of lucid dreams.
For here I am a warrior stricking down the dandelion warriors
ravishing past the bluebell barbarians
defying the beatnik beetles and lovely lady bugs.
here it is I have always existed
deep in your quicksilver pool
I love you I wisper,
and so returns my own voice
I am my OWN champion she yells!
and so..
time passes..
and i fall into the melt again.
the deep earthed melt of him, of you, of all others, of the sun.
and I cant forget what I was,
and I cant be what but what i am.
and I cant say no.
its been to long that i have laid in wait lover for you to take me.
long past now what i can stand,
to live and die in you my scarlet friend
and i love...
the sudden release i feel in the climax of your images.