here I am,
as I was some time before.
skeletal mutterings of long flowing dreams
stretched out in the arms of you,
my bony man.
come play here in this childhood recess of my sanity.
Take your fill in my memories,
resounded no longer so violent in regret.
Build a sandcastle in safety that I long forgot.
Sandman and sympathy raging on with out me,
be then those things.
be then everything I am not,
everything I can not be.
and for you,
and in your eyes.
I will be everything.
It is those dark places I fear not tread
it is those memories that stir me when it is time for bed.
it is those lost whispers
and lost dreams
that keep me from the arms of sweeter things.
it is my shame,
and my hate
and my fear,
that make me crawl and beg and say
how could you love this,
how could you stay.
it is the foul sickness of my wants
the desire to violate, and be violated upon.
the memories of the things that I did that were wrong.
It is the hate that ive never spoken,
and the words I have no strenght to say
I had sold my mind and my body
to get through those blacker days.
And screaming out as you hold me still
my mind relaxes and I find my will.
and holding tight
to tight to move
I feel safer in touch than I ever have in you
and then you ask,
no though no ring
and I think to scream yes you crazy thing...
but still I want the whole ritual too
of you asking, and it sounding true
not steeped in madness
no steeped in pain
not as i flow from feeling to rain.
not as i dissolve all that i know
to experience numb
from our love should not go.
Is it wrong of me to want so much
to ask you to do
so many things just to make me not blue...
is it wrong to want you to take care of me
so that one day my mind and my heart can be free
is it wrong to want to know you will always be there
to love and to hold
to nurture and care.
is it wrong to want to take you with me
into the darkness and starkness and misery
that we may emerge born new and born free
that we may become what happy people seem to be.
