do not say his name...

that you play the jester
dancing in word games delicately strung
hiding your form behind you.
that you duck and dodge reality
that tho it comes, you let it delay.
that you were everything anyone ever saw when they looked upon you
hidden and tucked away was truth.
that your cool coated outsides hid,
a pain which I could not take from you.
a pain that it was not my place to replace in joy.
that you lay there wounded
and no choice was given to me but to pass by...
that if only I knew the simple words to mend you.

That I could say,
be happy child of man, that life is to short
that time is not long
that nothing else matters,
be overjoyed that,
you exist, you are unique, you are wanted, you are beautiful.
as we all are, as only you are, as I see you to be.
that you play the jester,
I wonder if you learned this to keep your self safe.

if I had a time machine.

I would like to have touched you once
Once before things for you were so set in stone.
I would have liked to known you once
Once before you were meant for someone else to know. 
I would have liked to know you intimately,
Outside of these words and games.
But regrettably you were not meant for me,
I dare not even speak your name.

I would have liked to know the pieces of you,
The smell, the taste the sound.
I would have liked to pull you in aginst my body,
taking from you all shame. 
I would have liked to make you want for me,
Because I want for you so to feel the same. 
But regrettably you are not free as me,
and I can not pull you near,
I would never want to break what has lasted through the years.

I will settle happily for a friend to call my own.
I will settle quietly that the world will never know.
I will settle smirking thinking of all the dark places my mind might go,
That if I had a time machine you would surely know.
I would elate in your pleasure,
I would rejoice in your sound.
I would take you up to worship
and we could go crashing to the ground.
I would be a lover to you like no other lover has ever been,
when nothing is taboo oh how the rules can bend.

I would have liked to have been touched by you once,
Once before your hands were bound.
I would have liked to let you know me,
My arcing back the beating sound...
I would have giving my self to you with little thought as to of why
because you are beautiful and charismatic,
and one swell guy. 
I would have opened my heart my body and my soul,
let you play in them and forget that were old.
I would have so many things that I have so little words to say...
But I will happily settle to know you in platonic friendship,
holding back all my want.
And how much want I have for you
I find it hard to not to say,
gosh your attractive I wish there was a way.

If I had a time machine, things would be different.