the cage parts III & IV

Part III fall to the forgetting
 
I can not remember its taste now
the sweet once upon a time.
I can not breath in its smell, or recall its shape in my hands.
Its tho it never was, and so it will never be.
my lips are parched from it the shaking memory of thought. 
mouth dry and aching I need it like I have never needed anything...
some thing I can't recall.  
Some part of me thats gone for ever..  
some lost toy in the sand box...
 
And it rushes into me...  
I have so near forgotten the smell of the pooling vomit.
 
I am locked in this memory forever,
I live here  
I die here  
with you.  
Like it should have been,
I feel ill that I had placed it from my mind until now.



Part IV  forgive me....
 
I go there
the place of punctured skin and shattered love.  
I look to my hands and I know you, as Ive always known.  
screaming out as i stay still, locked in my cage.  
what I would have given to hold you...   
dieing alone in my lap...
I should have been there with you. I was there the whole time.  
glass doll eyes watering and falling off the earth
And that night you came to me as I dreamed,  
crying wrenching form lost body...
my silent plea, lipless scream, why couldn't you love me more than it...  
the last dinner served in a spoon
I was yours. I loved you. I love you... please, I'll never hear you forgive me  
lifeless eyes lost in the stars, and star scared to always remember
I'll never forgive. don't follow me.
I should have gone with you....  
you kept me here as long as I could stand
you left me alone, a scared child.  
you were stronger than me
 I have never been able to stand with out you.
 you don't need the earth, you can fly.
 It should have been me.  
you have to learn to forgive.

the cage parts I - II ( III + to come latter)

Part I the flesh that binds me

let the pin pricks of thought dig into me now
pulling up from the corners of my body pieces of me
letting loose the red ruby tears i can not cry
i am to dry, to far removed from the ocean to hold water.
dip into me with searing flesh scars
wright on me what Ive always been.
your sinner.

Part II and when you see me again

Μορφεύς, my dearest...
my king and lover,
lay upon my form tonight and make me.
force me deep into the bed
pressure against my body
hands against my wrists
your breath, my breath take me...
far away from my flesh.
tear me out from under these sheets and...
and free me to the wind the float
the soft billowing clouds of night.
make me never want to wake.
take me up with your talons...
and pray this time you don't let me fall...
fall back away to my useless body in a cold bed.

because a poem ++

when i see you
the soft colours of neverbes rest in the forefront of my mind.
and as i stand before you
i feel in half a second every price of me fall naked
all the sin and blood and malice of my soul....
it pulls over me
it swirls up into me...
and then i breath.
and then i see more clearly things as they are.

he sits there, tucked into my hair
whispering all the thoughts i should not think...
he says just once to touch him...
and i shutter away lost in those eyes.
i hold back my own hand of lust,
that i am a creature of tactile sense and pleasure.
i repress that feeling.
i bite my lip and i smile.
not everything is sex.

and worst then she whispers at night,
the sweeter nothings of my heart...
that i LOVE in war and fight and pain,
that i love so many so thanklessly
that i am so willing to give my whole heart
a slut for cupid... that i would
could one love every person.
i can not tho... i can not love,
or rather i can never admit love.

and lies become me, as a smile.
and i speak to you.
this truth even is a lie.
and you know, you've always known.
i see it in you.

ill settle to be your friend,
because.