drugs

Part 1 - Fearing the Unknown
it creeps around my mind like a sickness...
infected and swollen in paranoia.
I see how you speak of them,
how you turn in detest.
I hear how you feel for them,
in the words you left unsaid.
And I?
Am I one of them?
to be used?
to be mistreated?
just a subject of hate for you?
a twisted type of abuse...
it rattles and shakes and tears at me.
say something!
say...
I am not just filling a void.
say...
That I have some form of value...
because...
because I am weak,
and in the lonely night the sickness has taken hold.

Part 2 - The Come Up
waves and flows and breaths of pleasure,
intense sensations rolls over me.
melting from the pressure...
sinking and curving into the soft sheets...
I can not look away from that expressionless face.
my eyes locked where his should be.
screaming look at me...
look at me now,
broken off from the reality around me,
words falling on deaf ears,
teeth sinking into the cloth...
unspoken,
I need you in this moment.
your hands,
to touch me...
to bring me back from the deep darkness I am falling into...
I am coming up on...
I am...
a subject laying at a kings mercy..
pray, be kind to me...
because I have no choice now but to go along with your command.
I am enthralled...
I am captured...
I am along for the ride...
I have given in...
I have accepted.
I came here knowing what could come...
This intense existence,
it is what I asked for.

Part 3 - The High
I had never believed in you...
I had never known you...
That you were so soft,
That you were so tender...
That you were so intimate..
That you were kind.
I had never seen past the brutal outside,
I had never looked into your eyes.
I had never accepted the safety of being alone with you.
I did not know.
How shocked was I,
When you laid beside me...
When you took my hand...
When you kissed me so softly...
how taken back I was...
by your firm and caring hold.
How, for a moment I felt so beautiful in your gaze...
How...
for just a moment I lost all sight of every thing that was not your touch...
How it made me salivate,
how I wanted more...
how I wanted everything.
Drawn in by the pleasure,
and kept by the calmness of your lead...
transcendence.

Part 4 - The Come Down
as morning rises,
and our bodies meet to separate...
as we part our ways,
I wonder will I ever see you again.
Will I ever feel you again.
will you come looking for me...
I will not try and chase you.
I will not try and keep you,
I will not try and claim you for my own.
You are,
if nothing else beautiful to me.
you were,
if nothing else blissful company.
I hold no expectations for tomorrow.
I hold no wanting to alter your life.
If I want anything...
it would be that you remember me fondly, and are kind to that memory.
I can enjoy this thing as it is.
And I,
I will always remember you fondly.
And I will always be kind to the memory of you.
Even when you have wronged me,
because this was beautiful...
even if it was an unsleelie impulse.

Part 5 - The memory...
It was good to be with you,
It was good you took my hand.
It was nice to be beside such a beautiful man.
It was pleasurable to feel your weight upon me,
It was pleasurable to pull you in.
It was nice that you made me cum so many times since we were just friends.
It will stay with me,
this memory that we made.
I will keep it safe,
even if it was only one sided anyways.
it matters little how you saw it,
because I experienced it this way...
I laid with a man who made me so wet,
that I nearly floated away.