and it cuts right though

I knew him once,
and never.
and so unfairly I jugged him perfect.
I saw in him every strength and beauty that could be found in a man.
I saw in him every thin worth worship,
and to the lie of it I cast out all those things which were broken.
I begged him,
come and lay with me my hooded rogue.
come and steal me away from my self
and i fell into his arms so far
I lost all sense of my self. 
I trusted him so wholely that I forgot to look behind me.
and the knife, it cut right through me.

it tore out my heart that he could not hear me
that his words were as shattered as mine
it cut me cold and deep
that he could not see his reflection in my eyes.
and everything i longed to give him,
every thing i wanted so deeply to show him was to far
to far from me...
he was to distant.

Was I ever in his arms?
that he could whisper to me words that were as true as they had ever been...
some old dorment beauty that you have forgotten...
it comes alive in you for moments and seconds
he purred this into me once, 
and yet
how many times have I screamed out his glory.
How many words have i weaved into monuments to him. 
How many times have I given my mind and my body to his whim,
knowing love.
was I ever?

I knew him once,
and never.
The king of the night he lives in.
The stars that shone so bright they were like one thousand suns...
I knew him the might the mighty, the perfect human man.
That all his flaws made him worth loving.
That all his prefection made it so you had no choice but to love.
That he inspired works of art
that he inspired feats of will.
that he inspired me to try...
I knew him..
and I loved so freely, I loved.
Because, nothing had ever been so worth trying.

and even when for a moment I could glance at his form
I found,
my heart shaking and my eyes lightended
as he was the brightness that warmed the dark.
for ever in my heart.
if only,
I could know him,
if only he knew.
How much I believe in him.