fuck you - a new poem

please look at me as I tremble in unrest,
that so familiar smile grinning across my chin like helpless child waiting for you to take my hand.
Its a rare form of love and pleasure i feel welling in the safety of my heart.
as you look up at me and i lean over and smile at you.
I will not say the 1000 thoughts that coarse my mind in that moment.
Why?
why are your eyes so beautiful and sad and angry... and happy?
why do I insist to trace your form with my eyes?
why do I feel so on fire when I look at you...
You...
Small god.
I see in you my better... and a form of inspiration.
I pull away from you as little as I can now because i am not afraid.
so that you can see me and make me shine.
Your touch
this thing that exist only in a cloud of never ever to me
I couldn't let you hug me
I couldn't let you, not you
please touch me...
god... please embrace me..
I tremble...
and it plays in my head like some filthy snuff film
my heart if i showed you it
i plays and screams and ...
and i....
i feel pulled to come here
to feel you come behind me
smile deep in my flesh.
this teasing pass of interaction
this dark meaningful play i light in my words
for the 1000 things id never say to hurt you
your beautiful eyes...
ill never say
fuck you for asking me for truth
fuck you being so beautiful.
fuck you for seeing me as something worth looking at,
worth seeing and being seen by.
I'll never say that
and I'll also never say thank you for inspiring me. 
now even the sun tastes brighter.