Part I The Mind.So play hidden in me,
the softest secret even to my self.
that I am waiting to bend free of me
that I am waiting to forget my self
that I will not have to be lost in here forever.
So dance the softest foot
across the dew drops of thought
that I, whole in mind can be sated.
that I, raging and smashing aginst the shore can calm.
that I, can breath and exist for nothing more than that moment.
And locked, away in shame
a rouge comes here now.
nimble fingers and sing song words
rattle me out of my cage.
will you consume me?
will you dominate my ticking tock to your time?
Will you forge me Shadow man into a creature of light?
Will I glisten and shine in clarity and wholeness?
Will I become better and clean?
And locked, away in fear
a poet come to play ink to my skin
destroying the chains of thought
shattering the prison of my mind.
Part II The Pack-Rat
A chill runs in me.
A violent and cold chill comes up from under my body.
The rigid need for complete control of self isolates me.
The refusal to let go,
the inability to release.
Holding in my hands ever thought and memory of self
Packrating the ugly and the bad,
tarnishing the beauty of the world.
My hands are to full to keep moving,
To full to hold anything else...
and in sudden sharp pain
I feel it.
The sharp harmonic sound the cloth
wiping from my face so much soot.
And in rapid hunger I sink into it.
Tooth and nail I fall in.
Where will all these treasure go if I leave here?
Who will care for my dead?
Who will keep the veils of sanity tight?
Who will protect me from the world
if not my self..
if not my memories.
if not all these things I keep afraid to let fall into the night.
Part III And forgotten
Upon flesh and skin
I feel the forgetting of my pain.
And I let go
All the things I feared.
Within your hands I cry for the hurt of it
the hurt of reforging.
the hurt that its been so wrong for so long.
and,
I let
go.
Forgotten are the times I could not
and living vivid now
lifefull and playsome
are his eyes in me.
and my faith in him.
The sheild to protect me
that I may wonder free into the battle feild of my youth
and come out the other side grown.
growing.
That no chains can hold me.
That my hands are open to the sun, the stars and the moon.
That I escaped the bath of blood
that I forgot where the blood came from
that i can
let go.
and be forgotten of my dough.
Part IV Weight of you
crawl upon me my lover.
is that what you are?
wispier me to sleep
wispier me to orgasm
wispier me to the image of what i could be.
and in you,
i will be.
play me like im made of strings
strum into me the perfect sound
that i can hear it
that i can know it
that i can be as beautiful as i became in your eyes.
the earthshaking weight of you
of your beauty
of the power you play over me
of my complete submission
warped up in words and sensation ..
I am yours tonight.
I am subject to your whims.
I am broken and loved.
I am whole and seen...
and I cant escape this
because its all I ever wanted in you.
because, you are the strength i seek in my self
because the weight of your voice
is to heavy to out run.
Part V Even now
Even now,
sated from my hunger
I dream of that night
of my body fluid under your command.
Even now,
accepting of your affection
I wonder what ive done to earn your sight
I wonder why me?
how did I become so lucky.
Even now,
in the after glow of passion
I am timid to ask you...
I am timid to admit.
I want to give every price of my self to you
I want to live and die in your hands.
I want
I want you to break me of my self
I want you to rapture me.
I want to be reforged with your strength.
But I cant.
I cant ask you.
Not yet.
This story is not yet finished,
and I can not force it.
I can only wait.
Even now,
I lay waiting
Trusting that you know better.
Trusting that you will not harm me.
Trusting you to see me different.
That one day, even I can see my self this way.
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