father

it is the echo of your fist coming at me
and my shaking form hiding from the light.
I can not escape this cage
rattled and barren i have always existed here.
In the moments of that warm needle
searing into my body a forever need
a forever run
that I knew the only release of you.
that your voice was quiet.

I have cut out pieces of my flesh
desperately trying to sever the bond of my sire.
Claiming to have forgotten and forgiven
but now as this drug drips down my thought and into my belly
I know you are the beast of my dreams
The creature coming to destroy me
The thing I must forgive
tho I never learn to.

You taught me everything unique and precious
was wrong and sinful.
You showed me the love your father showed you.
And your rage,
I fear the same rage lives in me.
I fear I will die crippled with the damn disease that cripples you.
The self annihilation of hate.

I will be free of this