grieve

And I run to you
shelter from this cold lonely place.
And I hold tight to the thought of you,
one that clearly you can never live up to,
and for that I apologize.
I am sorry I held you in such grace that you were set to disappoint me.
I am sorry that your eyes looked right through me
I am sorry that I have nothing useful to offer you as recourse.

And I run from you
Another shadowed harm in the storm.
And I let go all the hold you had for me,
one I regret to have given you,
and that I feel timid to give again.
To scared your eyes will fall in judgment on my weak form.
To scared that you have and will never see this as it is.
To scared to tell you why it hurt so much.

And I run
Deep into a place I have always shared with you
A maze of intent and structure.
And I run
So far from the debt collector coming,
I have let off the price of rubies to long.

I don't know how to stand now.