sick

it is this quick sick need
to be what i am not
that makes me crawl from under my skin
that makes me dig in deeper into this hole
and sink.
it is this fouled want to be normal that i have always carried
to be like everyone else
to be sated in the mundane. 
to wake and smile and make breakfast
always in the same way
this want to be your perfect doll of a life.
And I will try for it
I will do all I can to never think again
I will do all I can to kill the pieces of me I once thought made me
unique.
I will want what everyone wants.
I will be what everyone exists as.
I will reconcile only the simple American family
mother, father son and daughter.
There will be no room for anyone else.
There will be no place for any other love.
spinning and falling,
I will be empty and smile
and I will have done it all in some twisted need for love.